The Swindle
by Taoroo
Summary: After the events of Serenity a potential new crew member brings on fresh challenges and plenty of suprises for the crew. CP possibly in later chapters. (Now with footnote translations!)


'All I'm saying is that if he has a mind to take out his temper on someone then he should wait until Jayne gets back is all.'

Zoe sighed. Simon's voice, stuck on full pout mode since they and the captain had left the _Serenity_, was beginning to draw on her nerves.

'Doctor,' she said in her best no-nonsense tone. 'As much as I usually enjoy our conversations, _stow it_ lest our friendship be in danger.'

'In danger of what?' Simon asked the crew's first mate, throwing her his best soaked-and-confused-puppy look.

'Me,' Zoe replied with an upward curve of her eyebrow. She turned back to the fore, weaving her way through the busy crowd, eyes locked on Mal's back. Despite her harsh words Zoe knew that the majority of her frustration was coming from the man before her and not at her side. Mal was in a mighty temper.

~F~

'What do you mean, _gone?_' Mal's voice thundered through the cabin.

'He's gone,' River replied in her detatched voice. She swept her hand out before her, imitating the course of a shuttle which had so recently detached from the ship, 'fwoosh, zoom, straight to the moon.'

'Is that meant to be some form of comedical reference,' Mal asked, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

'The shuttle's trajectory is on course for Hall,' River said, fixing the Captain with suddenly calm eyes.

'Well that's a mite more sense than your first try,' Mal groused. 'You might want to work on the deepsome and unsettling part however.' He thumped the ship's dash. 'That _Ben Tian Sheng De Yi Dui Rou!**[i]**_ He knew we had ourselves a job to do! He couldn't wait one more ruttin hour to go see his _Jien Huo**[ii]**_?'

'What's the commotion?' Zoe asked, strolling onto deck with Simon behind her. 'Thought we'd be clearing into Paris right about now.'

Mal gave a feral growl. 'Jayne's gone awol.'

'Really?' Simon asked, his tone a little too eager. He coughed, 'I mean, really?' he asked again, this time managing to sound serious and concerned.

'He's lost,' River said serenely from the pilot's seat.

'I hope you mean that literal like,' Mal said with a snarl, 'that dumb _Qing Wa Cao De Liu Mang**[iii]**_ best hope he gets hisself real lost, less he wants me to find him... and he don't want me to find him.' As he said this Simon came forward, looking first at the window out into the black and the planet beyond, it's moon, Hall, just peeking from around it's bulk. Then he turned his attention to the newsfeed screen.

'You said Jayne had family on Hall?' he asked the captain, his calm tone serving only to further aggravate the captain.

Mal snorted derisively. 'If that's what you can call whatever doxie that _Chwen**[iv]** Cheong Bao**[v]**_-'

'Reavers,' Simon cut in, turning the deck silent as the verse outside their window. 'They hit a few months back.'

Mal let of a stream of expletives. 'That's it,' he said. 'We do the job, then we rabbit out of this Buddha-forsaken pit. We've all of us had enough of _them_ to last a lifetime.'

'What about Jayne?' Zoe asked, her voice hoarse from trying to sound normal against the wave of sickness she had felt when hearing the name of the devils.

'He'll meet us when he's done,' Mal said. 'Won't be much left for him to dwel over too long I recon.' The captain turned away from the deck, jabbing a finger toward Simon as he went. 'You just took his place,' he said as he stalked away down the corridor.

~F~

'It's just a quick job,' Zoe said to the doctor as they tried to keep pace with the Captain in the crowd of Sanlewie's market, the biggest port of the rich planet, bustling with activity. 'We go in, drop the stuff, take our credit and get out. Mal don't need a heavy for a delivery.'

'Are you trying to convince me or yourself?' Simon asked, his face set in a worried frown. He felt the gun that sat in the holster under his jacket, a Yule gift from the Captain that he still wasn't altogether happy about, though he supposed it meant the man was concerned about him enough to not want him dead.

Ahead Mal snatched at the coat of a passing thief, giving the boy a cuff about the head as he retrieved his wallet from the boy's own pocket. Zoe shook her head, Mal had the best dog-sense she knew for crime, even if it was crime being committed against him. She wondered again just how her Captain had acquired his skills, his childhood being something that the man had never disclosed, even during the war when death appeared imminent. Zoe and Mal were alike in that respect. It was no one's business but their own.

After a long while's walking through the markets from the dockyard, the three crewmembers began to enter the seedier side of the city. Eventually Mal came to the door that they needed and entered, throwing up his hands immediately as he came face-to with a gun.

'Easy,' he said in a friendly tone. 'We're here to see your _Da Gher Da**[vi]**,_ not steal the family silver.'

The brute's power was in his muscle and not his brains, he scanned the three folk with piggy eyes and, judging them to be no threat, jerked his head toward the inside room behind a tattered curtain.

'Malcolm,' a man said as the captain entered the inner sanctum. The air was stifling with incense and as hot enough to make sweat form on Mal's brow. Two women spread themselves languidly upon cushions, all above their waists bare save for the gold about their necks and ears. The man was a tall and well muscled man, his midnight-black head shaven and his accent thick with the peculiar twang of the planet. He sat on a plush low stool behind a mahogany table, a shisha pipe resting in one hand.

'Julien. I'm here about the order,' Mal said carefully, ignoring the man's gestures to sit.

'You found what I wanted?' the man asked, his tone light but his eyes dangerous. Simon had seen people like that, more than plenty in the course of knowing Mal and his crew. A true killer.

'That's right I have,' Mal said with an easy smile that betrayed nothing. He raised his hand to a top pocket and then let it drop away. 'But before I give it to you, I have a proposal.'

Simon felt Zoe stiffen beside him and creased his forehead in concern, this deal was not going the way that the first mate had anticipated. He looked back to Mal but could fathom nothing from the captain's friendly face.

'The item in question had a twin,' Mal said, 'some folk'd pay a great deal for the matching set.'

'Some folk would,' the Julien said coolly.

'Say someone found where that missing twin was being held,' Mal fished. 'Say I even had means to acquiring it. Some folk might even pay three times as much for two as they would for one.'

'You may be right there, Mr Reynolds,' the trader said, fixing his eyes, dark and red-laced, upon him.

Mal did not correct the titular error. 'I'm a man of my word,' he said. 'I promised that objet to you and you gave me a fair deal for it. I'm willing to do the same again.'

The house was silent for a long while. Simon could see the sweat pooling at the base of Mal's neckline.

'If you can deliver the pair, then the price would be fair,' Julien said after the wait had become agonising.

Mal gave a pleasant grin. 'Shiny,' he said by way of agreement and with little ceremony the three crewmember's departed from the house.

~F~

'Sir, what in the _Ai Yah Tien Ah**[vii]**_ was that about?' Zoe demanded in hissed tones as they made their way along the alleys back toward the docks.

Mal looked around to make sure that they were safe from prying ears. 'That my dear Zoe was some truly _Jing tsai**[viii]**_ fancytalk by yours truly that likely saved our hides.'

'Tell me, oh masterful leader; Where you some peculiar hurry to die today? Or was there some other reason why you thought it a good notion to keep Julien from his merch?'

'I got one as might be suitable,' Mal said, his jaw set tightly as they arrived at the edge of the market. 'I don't _have_ the merch.'

~F~

The boy slunk along the alleyway, casting back looks along the dark streets as he darted from one shadow to the next. The market noise was fast receding but he still felt the uncomfortable sensation of being watched. As he paused to catch his breath, pressed against a filthy wall, a hand shot out from the darkness and grasped a firm hold on his collar, yanking him into the light and slamming him against another wall.

Knocked breathless, the boy struggled against the hold but found himself completely immobile, the grip on his clothes iron hard. He focused upon his attacker and then paled.

_'Wo Pi Gu Cao**[ix]**_,' he muttered, 'just don't hit my face ok.'

'You ain't in no position to bargain, _Xiao Zu Zong_[x],' the man grated roughly, his face grim and his eyes cold. 'Now where is it?'

The boy debated for a second replying with the age-old "Where's what?" but decided that his hide was worth more than the beating that man's eyes promised should he screw around.

'I hid it,' he said, licking dry lips, 'ain't no-one on this rock can shift a _Piow Liang**[xi]**_ like that.'

Relief flickered through the man's eyes but an instant later and they were hard once more. 'You're going to show me, _Dohn luh mah?**[xii]**_'

Swallowing down his nerves the boy nodded. The man roughly pulled his to his feet, keeping a tight hold of his upper arm.

'How in the seven _Guai**[xiii]**_ did a third-rate _Wan Tong**[xiv]**_ like you even get into that pocket?' the man demanded angrily as they made their way along the street.

'Third-rate?!' the boy spluttered, indignant despite the man's obvious intentions of harm toward his person. He muttered obscenities under his breath until they had reached their destination.

~F~

Mal winced as he observed the pickpocket reach into a fetid pile of garbage, pulling out a packet from within. He snatched the parcel from the boy and unwrapped it, checking all was well before stowing it back in his coat. He sighed, seeing the boy was nowhere to be seen. A moment later and he heard the sound of a skuffle, some more foul language and then a sharp cry of pain. He strolled around the corner, twitching a smile at the sight of the young miscreant in the firm grip of Zoe. The smile grew brighter when he saw that Simon was clutching at his shin, clearly still pained from the kick their captive had given him.

'Let me go you-!' the boy shouted, letting forth a torrent of abuse.

Mal leaned down, hands deep in his pockets as he gave the boy a sinister smile. 'Now don't you think you're outta my sights that easy, _Xiao Zu Zong_,' he said. 'You have put me in a truly problematical situation, and I ain't fixin to let you got til I've had proper compensation.'

He gestured to his pocket. 'Thanks to your monkeyshines, I was obliged to made a deal to get me another just like this. Now I recon that puts you under a certain obligation to help me achieve that.'

'_Ta Ma Duh**[xv]**_! Git ter hell!' the boy snapped, struggling hard. 'I don't rightly know where you got that _Piow Liang_, mister, but I can tell a shadesome deal when I see one!'

'_Wan Lie Quain Bian_[xvi],' Zoe said with amusement in her tone, 'want me to persuade him, Captain?'

Simon grumbled agreement under his breath, massaging his still aching leg.

The boy stopped struggling and looked up at Mal, his eyes bright. 'Captain?' he asked quickly. 'You have a boat?'

'That's right,' Mal said, catching onto the boy's sudden interest. 'The best darn ship in this whole port, beats those clunkers right out of the sky.'

The boy seemed to think very fast. 'This _Piow Liang_ you want me to help you git,' he said carefully, 'it's space-side?'

Mal nodded.

'Well why didn't you say so?' the boy said with a bright smile that shone through the grime that encrusted his face. 'Hey mister, you git me off this rock and I'll steal a hundred of em!'

'That so?' Mal asked with an amused twitch of his eyebrow. 'Won't your folks miss you?'

The boy hitched his chin into his oversized collar and muttered something unflattering under his breath. 'Ain't no one here I'll miss or'll miss me,' he said. 'When do we leave?'

'Mal, you can't be serious!' Simon exclaimed, shooting the boy an acidic look. 'This little _Dao Dan Gui_[xvii] _Wan Tong_ almost got us killed!'

'What's your name kid?' Mal asked calmly as Zoe relaxed her hold on the thief.

'Mitch,' the boy said, raising his chin defiantly and giving Simon a death glare.

'Midge?' the doctor deliberately misheard, giving a snort, 'sounds about right.'

'Well, Mitch here,' Mal said, clapping the boy on the shoulder, 'jest picked my pocket. That second beauty we're now after is locked up tighter than Buddah's ass, our _Dao Dan Gui_ here is right enough the only one who has a decent pitch at getting his hands on it.'

~F~

Two hours later Mal and Mitch walked onto the _Serenity_, the boy's wide eyes eager, flicking around the hold at all the boxes that currently sat all higgledy thanks to a speedy re-stocking.

'Howdy, Capin',' Kaylee said merrily, her tousled head appearing from in amongst the boxes.

'Kaylee,' Mal said in greeting. 'Any trouble?'

The ship's mechanic shook her head, giving the man a pleasant smile. 'Oh no, Capin', 'less you're accounting fer having to buy_ Go shi**[xviii]**_ at half of what _Go shi_ is worth to stock up enough to live by. I thought we wes gettin' paid?'

'Quit your sourpussin, Kaylee,' Mal said with a good-natured rumble. 'I'll tell you all about it soon enough,' he looked down at Mitch and gave him a push. 'Show the kid to a spare bunk, we'll be taking off as soon as we get clearance.'

~F~

Soon enough Serenity was in the black above Paris, Mal standing on the deck next to River who had piloted yet another perfect take off. The girl had an expertise of the craft that was something special, Mal had to admit. But there was something missing, he also added, though the girl steered the boat with plenty of skill it lacked heart; that certain feel for a craft that had made their last pilot so precious.

River looked up with her calm dark eyes. 'I miss him too,' she said in her far off voice.

Mal blinked and then gave an apologetic sigh. 'Sorry, _mei-mei**[xix]**_.'

River gave the man a gentle smile but then her face slackened into a now familiar look of horror. She lurched from her seat, stumbling to the corner of the deck where she proceeded to empty her stomach.

'Whoa!' Mal exclaimed, unsure as to how to react to this sudden change but the next second River was up, laughing like a moon-brain and swaying alarmingly.

Careful not to get near to the girl's potentially lethal body, Mal crossed to the comms and paged Simon to the bridge. Only then did he hear an urgent beeping from the dash just before a shudder announced the docking of the second shuttle.

Mal passed Simon in the corridor, rushing with determined strides toward the shuttle, ignoring the doctor's calls. Reaching the shuttle door, he punched in the code to unlock it and pushed his way inside as soon as it slid open enough to squeeze through.

Simon and Zoe arrived only a minute behind the captain, stopping in the doorway at what they saw. Mal was standing above Jayne, who was sprawled upon the deck, barely breathing.

Simon knelt down as Zoe gave Mal a look, had either of them been more the type to jump to conclusions then things may then have gone differently but as it was both could smell the stink of booze in the air and saw the litter of bottles that lined the floor. Zoe shook her head as she came up beside her captain, bending to pick up an empty glass. 'Real gut-rot,' she said, 'must'a been one hell of a party.'

'This weren't no party,' Mal said in a dangerous but sad voice.

'This is _Wei Shan**[xx]**_ _Xun Si**[xxi]**_ ' Simon said, shaking his head with incredulity, 'we need to get him to the infirmary. He has severe alcohol poisoning.'

The three crewmates looked from each other and then to Jane, after a moment Simon gave a sigh, 'I'll go get a stretcher,' he said.

~F~

'And this here is the hold,' Kaylee said, stepping through the back entrance, hands clasped casually behind her back as she played at tourguide. The pair had spent a long while in the engine room whilst the ship had taken off, Mitch helping the young mechanic in ensuring that _Serenity_ kept her course on the upward journey. They had already struck up a friendship thanks to Mitch's enthusiasm toward the running of the ship. Anyone interested in her boat was a friend in Kaylee's eyes.

'That you, _mei-mei_? Mal called from the top of the hold beside the stairs to the shuttles. 'Come and lend us a hand here!'

Mitch hung back from the call as Kaylee scurried to do her Captain's bidding, hearing the urgent tone in the man's voice. The boy was none too keen on lending any hand where he didn't have to, not now that he was in the sky and out of Sanlewie. He sauntered forwards regardless though, wondering what the commotion was.

'What is it, Capin'?' Kaylee asked as she wound her way through the boxes.

'I don't need no ruttin hand!' a deep male voice bellowed belligerently.

'It's Jayne, he's got himself mighty ornery, I recon we'll be needing the jack to git him to his bunk,' came Mal's strained voice.

'Enough drink to fell a herd of cattle and he's still walking,' Simon's voice could be heard muttering in disbelief.

'Jayne?' Mitch exclaimed in horror, stopping short, the colour leaving his skin beneath the dirt. From where he now stood he had a clear view of the scene, the four members of the crew trying to restrain and support the bull-figure of their merc as he reeled and fought against them.

At the sound of his name Jayne looked up, his glassy eyes red-rimmed from many shed tears focusing on the young thief. He stood there, still as a rock as the pair stared at one another, no longer swaying. Jayne gaped, his face pale save from where vomit tracked down one corner of his mouth.

Mitch broke first, turning and fleeing down the rows of boxes. Jayne was barely a second behind.

'You wait til I get my rutting hands on you, ya _Wan Pi**[xxii]** Wu Ni**[xxiii]** Xiao Zu Zong_!' Jayne hollered, pushing over boxes in his rush to get a hold of the boy who ran before him shouting back obscenities. Jayne cornered the young thief in the kitchen, several pans and various cutlery being sent flying in their chase. The burly merc finally caught hold of the boy just as the rest of the crew caught up with the pair, latching his hands around Mitch's upper arms and giving him a violent shake.

'Whit you doing here, boy?' Jayne demanded, his eyes creased in what could have been terrible sadness. 'Why ain't you on Hall?' When he received no reply he gave another shake. 'I though you was... why didn't you send a wave?'

Up until this point Mitch's face had shown only fear toward the hulking man, now his brows knit together and he gave the man an angry, futile shove. '_Pu Jie**[xxiv]**_!' he snarled. 'You ain't never been around, why the hell would I? Va te faire foutre!' At this Mitch finally wrenched himself free, knocking Jayne off balance ad dashing out of the room.

'Jayne was that...' Kaylee stammered but she didn't need to finish. In that final moment all had seen it; the resemblance that their crewmate held with the young thief.

* * *

[i] Stupid inbred stack of meat

[ii] Cheap floozy

[iii] Frog-humping son of a bitch

[iv] Retarded

[v] Monkey raping

[vi] Gang leader

[vii] Merciless hell

[viii] Brilliant

[ix] My ass is fucked

[x] Little devil/brat

[xi] Pretty object

[xii] Do we have an understanding?

[xiii] Hell

[xiv] Urchin

[xv] Motherfucker

[xvi] Obstinate, naughty person deserving of a good spanking

[xvii] Troublemaking

[xviii] Crap

[xix] Little sister

[xx] Really Dangerous

[xxi] To attempt Suicide

[xxii] Naughty

[xxiii] Disobedient Child

[xxiv] Fuck you


End file.
